Always
by ChicagoFireLover101
Summary: Always, that had been the start of their contract. Always, that had been his last words to her. She will always be apart of Firehouse 51 and District 21's lives. Please read and review :)
1. The Funeral

_Always_

That had been Kelly's last words to her after their fight.

_Always_

That had been the start of their contract.

Today was the funeral of their fallen paramedic officer, Leslie Shay. They all had their formal uniforms for the procession. Severide and Dawson were barely containing their teams, like the rest of the teams, as they stood side by side at attention in front of the coffin covered by the American Flag. Where their best friend, co-worker, sister lay. Unmoving. No longer part of this world. But forever part of their lives. The girl who bounced back after a serious ambulance crash with her sidekick and best friend Gabriela Dawson, the girl who bounced back after being seriously injured with a piece of rebar saving hundreds of people after Chicago Med was bombed. The girl who could bounce back from anything, she couldn't bounce back from this. She had skirted around death twice, but couldn't make it out of this accident.

Gabriela could remember the day it all went to hell. It was Boden's wedding day, Casey had proposed after six months of dating, then they were called to a building where two people were injured before she could answer his question. Severide and Shay had finally made up, and Casey had asked for Dawson and Shay to assist a casualty with a suspected broken neck. They had traded places, then the roof collapsed sending Dawson flying and a beam onto Shay, giving her the fatal blow to the head.

Gabby remembered trying to resuscitate her friend. She remembers waking up with her head pounding, she couldn't see Shay. All she thought was_ 'where is she?', _she remembers finding Shay unconscious, not moving. Not breathing. She remembers showing up on her brother and sister-in-law's doorstep, crying. Blaming herself for her best friends death. Blaming herself that if she didn't trade places with her, Shay would still be alive. Antonio wrapped his arms around her and tried to comfort her as best he could. He couldn't fix this. He couldn't fix his baby's sisters broken, grieving heart.

Gabby was snapped out of her daydream when the priest called her up to the podium to do her eulogy.

'Uh...I'm sorry, I haven't really written anything so I am going to speak from my heart...Leslie Shay, she...was amazing...' She says, choking up on her words and sobs. 'I don't know what I am going to do without her by my side.' Gabby cried, as she leaned against the podium crying. Casey made a move to go help her down but Severide had beaten him and wrapped his arm around her and cried with her.

'Leslie Shay...was our best friend...our sister...our co-worker...a member of this firehouse and police district...Nothing and no one is going to change that...'Severide stuttered out between his sobs and Gabby's sobs while trying to comfort her.

**1 hour later**

'We are having a memorial for Shay at Molly's tonight and you're all invited. We hope to see you there.' Herrmann said as everyone dispersed after the burial.

**Molly's**

'Hey, how you holding up sis?' Antonio Dawson asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as she stared up at a blown up picture of Shay.

'I just want to wake up from this nightmare. It should of been me.' Gabby said roughly, her voice rough from all the crying in the last week.

'Don't say that Gabs, it could of happened to anyone.' Antonio said, dragging her away from the wall and sitting her down at the table Laura was sitting at.

'Don't try and sugar coat it Antonio. I need a drink. Or few.' Gabby said, getting up and leaving towards the bar to get rounds for everyone.

Gabby had just arrived back at the table with drinks for everyone when a song started to play on the jukebox.

Gabby started to sing a long as she knew Shay loved this song.

"Only need the light when it's burning low,

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.

Only know you love her when you let her go."

And as the song started, everyone joined in. In remembering the girl who changed their lives forever. And the girl who will always be apart of their lives no matter where they are, what they do or if she is even on this Earth.

R.I.P Leslie Elizabeth Shay.

**Please read and review :)**


	2. Gabby's POV

**Gabby's POV- 2 months later**

_'It's all my fault.' _I thought as I sat with my older brother, Antonio, while we had lunch together. Both of us sitting in silence. _'It's my fault she is dead. We traded places. It should of been me.' _

"Gabby?" Antonio called, even though it sounded so distance in my ears, he was right next to me.

"Hm?" I responded, turning to look at him with a distance expression in my eyes.

"I was asking did you want to go for a walk?" He asked, looking at me with a worried expression on his tired facial features.

"Uh, yeah sure." I said as we both stood and slid out of the booth and walked out of the coffee shop. I couldn't bear going to the one Shay and I always went to.

"What were you thinking about my pequena hermana?" Antonio asked, as we walked down the street together, heading no where in particular.

"Lots of things mi hermano mayor." I replied, as I stuffed my shaking hands into my pockets of my CFD jacket.

"You know you can talk to me Gabs," He said after a long silence.

"I know, I just don't feel like talking right now. There are a lot of things I can't talk about right now." I mumbled, as I leaned my head on his shoulder as we turned a corner heading back towards Firehouse 51.

"I understand. Come over for dinner tomorrow night with Laura and the kids." He said, as he walked me inside, I quickly glance at my new partner Sylvie Brett and think how much alike she looks like Shay.

"I'll be there. I will text you later." I smiled, hugging him tightly.

"Good. See you later Gabs," Antonio said, before leaving the way he came.

**Hallway**

I stood there, standing. Looking at my best friend, my partner's picture hanging on the wall. Her picture shouldn't be up there. Her badge shouldn't be up on that wall in the academy next to Andy's. Mine should be up there. My picture should be up on the wall. If it wasn't for me trading places with her, she would still be here with Severide. She would still be on this Earth, making everyone and everything happy and smile.

"Dawson, are you okay? You've been standing there for the last 15 minutes." Cruz said, bringing me out of my reverie and I turn to look at him and the others that were looking out of the common room.

"Let me guess? You drew the short straw?" I snorted, watching as they boys walked further out.

"Yeah kind of. Are you okay though?" He asked again, touching my shoulder.

"Yeah, absolutely dandy. It shouldn't be her picture or her badge up on these walls. It should be mine! It's my fault she's dead! I'm the one that traded places with her! If it wasn't for me, she would still be alive!" I sob as I fall to my knees with sobs wracking my body.

"It isn't your fault," Herrmann soothed, as he wrapped his arms around me to comfort me.

"It is! I don't know how you guys can stand to be around me! I killed my best friend! You should hate me!" I yelled, as I fought against his strong arms as I cried.

"Gabby, you need to calm down for me! Someone call Antonio!" Casey yelled, as he also wrapped his arms around me as I cried myself into a hysteria.

"I killed my best friend Matt! How can you or Severide stand to be around me! It's my fault!" I yell as I hit him over and over again.

"Dawson, I need you to calm down for me, okay! Antonio is on his way." Herrmann said, as he sat back down next to me where I had fallen to my knees under Shay's picture.

"Where is she?" Antonio yelled, I could hear him running down the hall way and with each footstep, I could hear him getting closer.

"It's my fault Antonio! She's gone because of me! I should be my picture and badge up on these walls!" I sobbed into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms tightly around me to try and comfort me.

"No es su falta Gabriela. fue un accidente. Nadie tiene la culpa." Antoino mumbled in spanish in my ear as I slowly calmed down and just continued to sob into his shoulder.

"Antonio, take her home. I will call later to see how she is." Boden said, after seeing the whole ordeal with my breakdown.

I don't remember much after that, all I could feel was Antonio pick me up and I cried myself to sleep.

**Antonio and Laura's house**

I slowly woke up in a room that didn't look familiar, then I remember my breakdown at the Firehouse and how Antonio took me home to Laura and his place.

"Hey, you're awake." Laura quietly said from the corner of the room where she sat in the armchair reading a book.

"Hey," I mumbled back sleepily, as I sat up slowly and looked around. "Where's Antonio?"

"On the floor," Laura laughed quietly, pointing to a lump on the ground which happened to be my brother wrapped in a blanket. "You pushed him off and he didn't even wake."

"Oh my," I laughed, as the lump on the ground groaned and sat up slowly.

"What the hell?" He muttered, as he looked up at me where I was sitting with a smile on my face as I laughed at him with Laura.

"I'm sorry," I said after I had finished laughing at his expense.

"I'm sure you are, how are you feeling?" He asked, as he stood up and sat on the bed in front of me.

"I'm not really feeling anything anymore Antonio. I don't know what to feel anymore." I said honestly as I played with the blanket that covered my legs.

"Like I said, I'm here to talk. If you want to hit me and take your frustration and sadness out on me, go for it." He said honestly, as Laura walked back into the room with two mugs of coffee.

"I'm going to go pick the kids up from school, when I get back I don't want to find Antonio killed on the floor if he annoys you Gabs," Laura joked, hugging and kissing my cheek before turning to Antonio and kissing him.

"I'll try not to. See you soon." I said, as Antonio laughed as Laura left the room and left us alone to talk.

"Can you come with me to see her headstone? I haven't been since the funeral. And that was 2 months ago. I promised myself and Shay on that day that I would visit any time I could. But, I just haven't brought myself to visit." I admitted, looking at him to see what his reaction would be.

"I would love to. When do you want to go?" He asked, wrapping me up in one of his famous hugs.

"After Laura and the kids get back." I replied, leaning back into the pillows.

"Oh Chief rang earlier, he said to take a couple days furlough. You have enough built up if you want to take it all." Antonio said, laying down next to me.

"I only need a couple of shifts off. I'm going to be okay." I replied, turning to lie on my side and face him.

"We're all going to be okay." He said, as we fell asleep next to each other.

**Please read and review :)**

**This is my take on how Gabby is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**


	3. Kelly's POV

****Spoiler: ****Conversation between Severide and Casey comes from Chicago Fire 3x01********

****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case.****  
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**Kelly's POV**

_'Always, you promised always Shay. Now you're gone. And there is nothing I can do to bring you back.' _I thought to myself as I continued to chop wood out at the cabin I was hiding in. Hiding from Chicago. Hiding from the heartbreak and devastation.

_"Who doesn't want to go through a little heartbreak?" _I remember her saying when we first started living together. Me, I didn't want to go through heartbreak. But here I am, going through the biggest of heartbreak of all, losing her. My best friend.

I remember her first day like it was yesterday.

**Flashback**

_"I've been looking for a roomate." Shay said, as she walked up to my teams table with PIC Gabriela Dawson._

_The boys and I just sat there and chuckled thinking, wow new girl jumped right in._

_"I'm serious, I just went through this break up thing and can barely afford the place." She said, as I stood up from my chair and walked closer to her._

_"Yeah?" I asked, putting on my bad boy charm._

_"Woah, put it back in your pants Lieutenant. You're not my type." Shay said, backing up a few steps as I rised to my full height._

_"You never know," I replied, looking back at the boys and then back at the blonde beauty in front of me._

_"Do you have a vagina? I'm gay. Like fully gay. Who drinks tequila." She said, throwing me off balance as I laughed with her._

_"Kelly Severide," I say as I put my hand out for her to shake._

_"Leslie Shay," She replied, with that smile that made everyone happy._

**End of flashback.**

I was drawn out of my memories of first meeting her by the sound of a car coming up the gravel driveway. I could only guess who it was. It was either Dawson or Casey. Or both.

My guess was correct. It was my best friend/brother, Matthew Casey. Lieutenant of Truck 81.

"Hey," Matt said, walking closer to me as I stopped chopping the wood.

"Hey," I replied, putting the axe down at looking at him.

"How you doing?" He asked, coming closer and stopping just in front of me.

"Great," I replied, with a hint of sadness and sarcasm in my voice as I chopped the next piece of wood.

"Fish been biting?" he asked, trying to make casual and small conversation with me.

"Yeah, jumping in the boat." I replied, looking up at him.

He just stood there and nodded at me. I stopped what I was doing to see if he would continue further with his conversation.

"Can I grab one?" Casey asked, pointing to my esky filled with beers.

"Yeah sure," I replied, looking down at the esky and picking my beer up off the lid so he could open it.

He took a swig of his beer before continuing on what he came he for. "Mm. So, uh. Coming back to fifty-one?" He asked, as I took a swig of my beer as well.

"The house is cursed Casey," I say after much thought. "Nothing but misery and heartbreak there."

He nodded, waiting for me to continue. "There's a guy out near Gray's Lake who does boat repairs. Said he would sell me a piece of his business." I said, shrugging as I did as the tears welled up in my eyes but didn't fall.

"Pretty quiet up in Gray's Lake." He said, as he watched me struggle for words. "I'll figure it out then."

"Yeah," I replied as he nodded before turning and walking back towards his truck.

"Well, thanks for the beer." He said, taking a swig as he walked back towards his truck.

"Yeah, come anytime." I say, as I turn back to chopping wood.

But Casey had finished, "Hey." He called over his shoulder as he pulled out a book.

"One more thing." he said, I sighed as I knew what the book was.

"Boden still writes down all of the calls we go on by hand. Date, call itself, what we did. And you know what he writes in the column on the far left? The lives we saved. The ones that made it out alive. We rescued." He started, putting the book in front of me as I tried not to cry.

"The badges. On the wall. At the academy. Andy's...Shay's. They don't represent death. They represent the lives we saved." He finished, before turning around and walking back to his truck.

I just stood there, looking at the book. Reading through the rescues, what we did. Who we saved. And thinking, I might not of been able to save my best friends, but that I saved over a thousand people in my time as a firefighter.

But thinking of Andy's and Shay's badges on the wall, just made me want to scream. I'd lost both my best friends. And I couldn't do anything but blame myself for it.

I thought back on the contract Shay and I made. That we wouldn't get into each other's business. No matter what, we wouldn't bring our work problems home. No matter what, we wouldn't bring our home problems to the workplace.

We were best friends since the day she started all those years ago. Just like I was best friends with Andy since preschool.

It was meant to be always.

But then I remembered Shay's temporary partner while Dawson went through the academy.

_'Does Rafferty know?' _I think to myself as I picked up my cell phone and finding her number in my contacts list.

_"Rafferty," Alison answered on the other end after it rang a few times._

"Alison, its Kelly Severide. Do you have time to talk?" I asked, sitting down on top of the esky with the phone pressed to my ear.

_"Yeah of course. Meet at Molly's and bring Shay?" She asked, and from then I knew she didn't know about Shay._

"Uh, actually can you meet me at the academy. I have something to tell you." I said, barely containing the tears that have built up.

_"Yeah sure. See you then." Alison said with a hint of worry in her voice._

It was meant to be always Shay. Now I need to tell one of your partners that you're gone. Never to return.

Why did you leave us like you did?

It was meant to be always.

_Always_

**Please read and review :)**

**This is my take on how Gabby is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**

**Spoiler****Warning: This is chapter is rated M,****: Conversation between Severide and Casey comes from Chicago Fire 3x01**


	4. Alison's POV

****Spoiler: ****Conversation between Severide and Casey comes from Chicago Fire 3x01********

****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case.****  
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**Alison's POV**

I was sitting in the back of Ambulance 72 with McCauley as we took inventory for that shift. He was complaining about every little thing and I was pretending to listen. But my mind was elsewhere. I hadn't heard from Shay in a while and was going to give her a call when my phone rang.

"Rafferty," I answered on the third ring

_"Alison, its Kelly Severide. Do you have time to talk?" Kelly asked, sitting down on top of the esky with the phone pressed to my ear on the other end of the line_

"Yeah of course. Meet at Molly's and bring Shay?" I asked, not expecting the answer he gave me

_"Uh, actually can you meet me at the academy. I have something to tell you." He said, and I could tell he was struggling with his words._

"Yeah sure. See you then." I said with a hint of worry in my voice and I hung up the phone and turned to McCauley. "We're going for a ride. Get in."

"Where are we going? Do we have to?" He complained, climbing out the back and slamming the backdoors shut before making his way around to the driver's side of the ambulance.

"To the academy. Yes we do, I don't care if you come in or not. I need to talk to someone." I replied, as he pulled out of the firehouse and headed to the fire academy.

**Fire Academy**

"Hey Alison, thanks for meeting me." A grim looking Kelly Severide greeted me as I walked through the double doors of the Fire Academy entrance.

"No problem. Where's Shay?" I asked, looking around for the blonde woman who I have grown to love.

"Do you want to take a walk with me for a minute, I have something to show you." Kelly said, leading me down the hallway where every fallen firefighter and paramedic's badges were.

"Sure," I replied, just following him casually, not suspecting a thing.

"Six weeks ago, we received a call out to a building fire. We went in and found two casualties. While Squad and Truck went upstairs to investigate and left Dawson and Shay with the first casualty on the third floor. Any way, there was a roof collapse. All I remember was waking up..." Kelly started as tears welled up in his eyes. And I knew something was really wrong. Was it Dawson? Was Shay and Dawson okay?

"I immediately start looking for the rest of my team. I found them all okay, Mills had a broken leg but he is alright now. He's back at 51 as far as I know. I haven't been back since that day...Then Casey and Boden started asking where Shay and Dawson were. We found them a floor below us...Dawson was doing compressions on Shay...But we knew it was too late...She was hit with a beam when the roof collapsed...That's why I wanted to meet you here...She didn't make it Rafferty...My best friend is gone..." Kelly said as he openly cried as shock set into my body.

Leslie was gone...My rainbow loving, Ellen DeGeneres loving gay friend...My partner...Was gone. Never to return.

I turn and look at where we stopped, in front of a badge. It had her badge number and her name and what company she was on. But I didn't believe it.

"No...That can't be right...She can't be gone..." I sobbed out as I backed into the wall behind me.

"I'm so sorry to tell you Alison. I thought you would of knew." Severide said, wrapping his arms around me as I fought the sobs wracking my body as McCauley walked down the hallway.

"What's taking you so long? We have inventory to do!" He said, as he took in the sight in front of him. "What's wrong?"

I pointed to the wall where the badges were enclosed.

"What am I looking at?" He asked, turning back with a confused look on his face.

"She's gone you selfless Grade A butthead! She's gone!" I cried as I fell to my knees sobbing still.

"Oh god." McCauley said, his hand flying to his mouth as he read the badge number and name.

"I'm so sorry Raff!" Kelly cried, as he cried openly with me as we both sat on the ground crying as McCauley sunk down next to us, lost in his own thoughts.

**Please read and review :)**

**This is my take on how**** Rafferty is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**


	5. Antonio's POV

****Spoiler: Bits on conversation from the first 10 minutes of S03E01****  
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****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case. This chapter is slightly AU, Laura never left Antonio.****  
><strong>**

**Antonio's POV**

I was sitting up in the Intelligence Unit's office, filling out the usual bullshit paperwork, half listening to Jay, Erin and Adam fighting and half listening to the police scanner on my desk.

"Seriously Ruzek, I'm going to kick your ass in five seconds." Lindsay said, as she tried to get her 'grenade' back.

When suddenly I heard the mayday call from Chief Boden of Firehouse 51. Time stopped. Everyone in the room stopped and watched the scanner and me.

"Come on Gabs," I mumbled to myself as I stood up and shrugged on my jacket quickly and grabbed my keys.

**"Anyone from Firehouse 51 report! Casey report! Severide report! Dawson, report!" Boden yelled, as the whole of Intelligence just listened, not knowing what to do as I rushed towards Voight's office.**

**"Yeah Chief, Casey and I are okay. Roof collapse." Severide finally said over his radio at the scene.**

**"Have you heard from Dawson or Shay?" He finally asked, breaking the silence from the other companies.**

"Voight, I need to get down there." I say as I barged into his office.

"Get down where Dawson?" he asked, as I turned and left. "Halstead, Lindsay. Follow him.

**Scene**

"Chief!" I yelled as I got out of my car and ran up to him.

"Detective, Gabby is still inside." Chief said, stopping me from going any further.

"Is she okay? Is Gabby and Shay okay?" I asked, as Halstead and Lindsay joined me, looking up at the half exploded building.

"I don't know." Chief replied, as Casey, Cruz, Mouch and Herrmann came running out with Shay between them with Herrmann doing compressions as they loaded her into a waiting ambulance and they were off.

"Gabby!" I yelled, spotting my baby sister and Kelly Severide come walking out together, both limping slightly.

"Antonio," She cried, as I wrapped her in a tight hug.

"It's okay, Shay's going to be okay." I whispered as I led her over to another waiting ambulance so she could be checked for injuries.

"I need to see her Antonio," She said, quickly standing up and taking Ambulance 61's keys out of her pocket and running to the truck with Severide right behind her.

"Gabby!" I yelled, but she had already slammed the door and put the vehicle into gear before taking off. I spun on my heel and walked back towards Halstead, Lindsay and Boden. "Which hospital were they taking her too?"

"Lakeshore, listen Antonio and Erin, you need to be there for both of them. It isn't looking good for Shay." Boden said, before Lindsay threw Halstead their squad car's keys and getting into mine.

**Lakeshore**

We walked into Lakeshore and headed towards the nurses station when we saw Severide leaning against the wall and Gabby pacing the waiting room while wiping away the tears that still fell down her cheeks.

"What's happening?" I asked, as I hugged Gabby and we both sat down while Erin talked with Kelly.

"I don't know Antonio. I don't know." She said, fresh tears falling down her face, I could tell she was blaming herself for what had happened. It's just the way Gabby was.

"Where are her family?" I asked quietly, leaning forward in my chair and looking over at her.

"Her Mom and Dad are on their way." She replied, as doctor after doctor and nurse after nurse walked by. With no information on Shay.

"Antonio, Voight wants to see you. Now." Lindsay said to me as she hung up her phone from talking with Voight.

"Thanks Linds. Gabs, I have to go but Lindsay will stay here with you both. I will call you as soon as I can." I said, standing up and bring Gabby into yet another bone crushing hug.

"Thanks Antonio," She muttered, as I walked out of the waiting room after kissing her forehead, shaking Severide's hand and giving Erin a squeeze on the shoulder.

**District 21**

"What the hell was that about? You are meant to be here! Doing your damned job!" Voight yelled as walked into the Intelligence office and stood next to Nadia's desk.

"So you don't expect me to sit here and listen to Chief Boden yell mayday? That's my sister Voight! My family!" I yelled back as Nadia, Atwater, Ruzek and Halstead sat there and watched the fight unfold. Olinsky slowly got up out of his chair and walked towards us.

"Doesn't mean you come yelling into office and then leave without telling me what the hell you are doing or for that matter where the hell you are going? Are we clear?" He yelled, back as Olinsky stepped in between us to stop us getting any closer to each other. "I said, are we clear?"

"Crystal." I muttered as I walked around him and towards my desk.

"You can go home Dawson, if you're mind isn't in the case. Just go home." Voight said, as I looked back up at him.

"Fine," I said, gathering my stuff and leaving the way I came.

** Home**

"Hey, I'm home." I called, knowing the kids weren't home from school yet and there was a chance Laur wasn't home yet either.

"Hey, you're home early." Laura said, as I walked further into the house and found her standing in the kitchen making lunch.

"Yeah, Voight let me go early. I guess it didn't help that I walked out in the middle of a case to see how Gabby was." I said, walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my head on her shoulder.

"What's wrong with Gabs?" She asked, turning in my arms and hugging me.

"Roof collapse. All of 51 was inside. Everyone is okay except for Mills and Shay. Mills has a broken leg. Shay has a serious head injury. They aren't confident that she is going to make it." I said, kissing her on the cheek as her hand flew up to her mouth as she gasped.

"And Gabby?" She asked quickly as tears gathered in her eyes.

"Cuts and bruises. And a slight concussion." I replied, as there was a knock on our front door. "I'll get it. You eat your lunch babe."

"Thanks," She said, taking a bite of her sandwich as I walked towards our front door and opened it to reveal a devastated Gabby.

"She's gone Antonio! And its my fault!" She sobbed as she fell into my arms and cried, I buried my face in her hair and cried with her as we sank to the floor in the door way.

My sister's best friend is gone. How am I going to help her?

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Antonio is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**


	6. Clarke's POV

****Spoiler: ****  
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****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case. ****  
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**Clarke's POV**

I walk into Molly's on a Tuesday night, knowing that Shay and Gabby have the Tuesday night shift. Hoping to see my good friend.

When I walk in, it was busy but I couldn't see my blonde friend as I walked in further I saw Gabby's older brother Antonio sitting with the Intelligence Unit.

"Hey Clarke, long time no see. How you been?" Antonio said as he shook my hand.

"Busy and yourself?" I ask, stopping briefly at their table.

"About the same, Gabby would be happy to see you." Antonio said as I walked towards his sister.

"Hey Gabs," I say as she was serving customers.

"Hey Jeff, haven't seen you in ages," She said, turning to smile a small smile at me, like she had something on her mind.

"Yeah it's been while. Is Shay around?" I ask, looking around for her but I could only see Otis. "Did she swap Tuesday nights with Otis?"

"No, she didn't. Otis, can you take over for a couple minutes. I need to talk to Clarke," She says as Otis walks over to tend the bar.

"Sure," Otis said as Herrmann walked up behind me.

"Hey ugly, you finally reared your ugly head around here?" he joked, as he slapped my shoulder.

"Only because I missed your charming personality Herrmann." I joke back as I follow Gabby towards the front door, Antonio and some of the boys from 51 giving me a sympathetic look.

**Outside**

"What's going on Gabs?" I asked, as she leaned against the cool bricks of Molly's outside on this warm summer night.

"A lot of things," She replied, closing her eyes and sighing deeply.

"Where's Shay? She's usually dancing around like a maniac right about now." I say, leaning against the wall next to her.

"I had a feeling no one told you when you walked in looking for her." She started, looking around as Antonio walked outside and come to stand next to me.

"Told me what?" I ask, becoming worried for my friend's safety.

"Six weeks ago we got a call to a warehouse fire. We had two casualties, one was on the third floor with a suspected broken neck. Shay and I were talking about what was going to happen next shift with me being transferred to work at Austen as she was becoming PIC, we traded places so she could start rescue breaths..." Gabby started before dissolving into a fit of sobs as she leaned against Antonio.

"The roof collapsed, Gabby was sent flying backwards and Shay was hit on the temple with a beam. Before Gabby woke up and found her, she had been without oxygen for too long." Antonio said as the news started to finally sink in. Shay was gone.

"What cemetery?" I choke out as I leaned against the wall for support as the news sunk in further.

"Graceland, I'm going with you. I haven't seen her since the burial." Gabby said, wiping away her tears.

"I'll drive," Antonio said, as they walked towards his car and got in.

**Graceland Cemetery**

"Her parents picked a nice area for her," I said, as we stopped in front of her headstone where her name was inscripted on a marble rock.

"Yeah they did, it still doesn't feel real." Gabby said, folding her arms across her chest as a cool breeze swept across them as the skies that have been dark and grey all day finally opened up and let rain fall upon them as Gabby and Clarke openly cry for their fallen friend.

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Clarke is feeling. I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**


	7. Eva and Diego's POV

****Spoiler: ****  
><strong>******

****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case. ****  
><strong>**

**Eva's POV**

It happened while I was at school. You know, just your typical school day. Maths, English, History, Physcial Education. Blah, blah, blah. It was last period before we got to go home. History, how boring. I was barely listening. Sure I was a straight A student in all my classes, but hey I'm a teenager. Don't expect me to listen all day. I was so glad when that school bell rang. I knew Mom was waiting outside with Diego talking about what science project they were working on.

"Hey Mom," I said, as I got into the front seat of our 4WD and buckled up.

"Hey sweetie, how was school?" She asked as she started the car and pulled away from the curb, heading towards home.

"Normal, boring." I replied, she just laughed as Diego started telling me about what he was doing for science this week.

**Antonio and Laura's Household**

"Both of you go upstairs and change out of your uniforms. Then come downstairs and do some homework. Dad should be home soon." Mom said, as we grabbed our backpacks and headed inside and upstairs to our room.

"Diego, would you stop pushing me, it's not a race to get downstairs." I said, as Diego and I walked down the stairs together after getting changed and our homework.

"Dad's home!" yelled Dad as he walked through the door as Diego pushed past me and ran up to him.

"Hey Dad," I said, kissing his cheek before walking towards the kitchen where Mom was working on getting dinner ready.

"Before you start your homework there is something I need to tell you." He said, sitting us all down at the kitchen table.

"What's wrong Daddy?" Diego asked, worry coming across both our faces.

"Aunt Gabby was in an accident at work today. She is okay now, just come cuts and bruises and a concussion." He started, I knew he was holding something back. And it had to do with Aunt Gabby's partner and best friend, Leslie Shay.

"How is Shay?" I immediately asked, looking straight at him,

"They aren't sure if she is going to make it through the night. She has been placed in an induced medical coma but it isn't looking good." Dad said, wrapping us both in a hug as we cried for Aunt Gabby and Shay.

**2 hours later**

I was coming back down the stairs with Diego after we had both gotten dressed into our pyjamas when the doorbell rang and Dad opened the door to reveal a distraught Aunt Gabby.

"She's gone Antonio! And it's all my fault!" Aunt Gabby cried as Dad wrapped her up in a hug. I could tell Dad was crying too, just by the way he couldn't keep standing. Diego and I went over and joined the hug. Soon it become one big family hug in our doorway.

We had taken to calling Shay, Aunt Shay since the day Gabby and Leslie started working together and became best friends. They were like sisters.

What were we going to do without her?

**Diego's POV**

It was the last class before we all got to go home and enjoy our weekend. It was science, I loved science. I want to be exactly like Dad when I grow up. Mom already says I am like Dad, I look like a mini version of Dad. I got his love for boxing, science and Maths. And Mom says I got his good looks. Or so she says anyway.

The bell finally rang and we all grabbed our backpacks and coats before leaving the classroom and heading towards the front gate where I saw our 4WD sitting.

"Mommy!" I yelled as I got into the backseat. Mom says I have to be 10 to ride in the front. Just like Eva was.

"I am right in front of you Diego, there is no need to yell. How was school?" Mom asked, as she started the car and pulled away from the curb and joined the afterschool traffic.

"Great, we are doing natural disasters for Science this term." I explained of what we had learned today in class.

"And I bet my basement is going to end up a natural disaster with whatever school project you choose to do." Mom commented as we got closer to Eva's school.

"I was thinking of volcano or flood." I said, not hearing what Mom had said and kept thinking of what I was going to do.

"You flood the basement and there will be consequences young man, no matter how much your father tries to talk me out of it." Mom said, turning to look at me as Eva got into the front seat.

"Hey Mom," Eva said, as she got into the front seat of our 4WD and buckled up.

"Hey sweetie, how was school?" Mom asked as she started the car and pulled away from the curb, heading towards home.

**Antonio and Laura's Household**

"Both of you go upstairs and change out of your uniforms. Then come downstairs and do some homework. Dad should be home soon." Mom said, as we grabbed our backpacks and headed inside and upstairs to our room.

"Diego, would you stop pushing me, it's not a race to get downstairs." Eva said, as Evaand I walked down the stairs together after getting changed out of our uniforms and getting our homework.

"Dad's home!" yelled Dad as he walked through the door as I pushed past her and ran up to him.

"Daddy! We're doing natural disasters in science this term!" I yelled, as I followed him as he hung up his jacket and took off his badge.

"Hey Dad," Eva said, kissing his cheek before walking towards the kitchen where Mom was working on getting dinner ready.

"Before you start your homework there is something I need to tell you." He said, sitting us all down at the kitchen table.

"What's wrong Daddy?" I asked, worry coming across both our faces.

"Aunt Gabby was in an accident at work today. She is okay now, just come cuts and bruises and a concussion." He started, I knew he was holding something back. And it had to do with Aunt Gabby's partner and best friend, Leslie Shay.

"How is Shay?" Eva immediately asked, looking straight at him,

"They aren't sure if she is going to make it through the night. She has been placed in an induced medical coma but it isn't looking good." Dad said, wrapping us both in a hug as we cried for Aunt Gabby and Shay.

**2 hours later**

I was coming back down the stairs with Eva after we had both gotten dressed into our pyjamas when the doorbell rang and Dad opened the door to reveal a distraught Aunt Gabby.

"She's gone Antonio! And it's all my fault!" Aunt Gabby cried as Dad wrapped her up in a hug. I could tell Dad was crying too, just by the way he couldn't keep standing. Eva and I went over and joined the hug. Soon it become one big family hug in our doorway.

We had taken to calling Shay, Aunt Shay since the day Gabby and Leslie started working together and became best friends. They were like sisters.

What were we going to do without her?

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** both Eva and Diego is feeling, Pouche's POV is next chapter! I am going to make this a POV story for all the characters and how they are dealing with Shay's death!**


	8. Pouch's POV

********Dedicated to Justicerocks11********

****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case. ****  
><strong>**

It was the same thing day in and day out. First watch came and did their shift, fed me, played with me, pet me. Even sometimes bathed me. Then they would go, I didn't want them to. But then my favorite shift came in, the regular crew. The ones who took me in. Mouch even let me eat some of his food! But there was one person missing, she hadn't been in for nearly six weeks and I was missing her! I loved her cuddles and pets. She'd always used to take me on walks. She hadn't returned since the Chief got married! She is always the one I look for when their shift starts!

"Morning Pouch, did you miss me?" Mouch said, as I jumped up on his lap and licked his cheek in response. Then Dawson and Casey came through the common room door, I jumped off Mouch's lap and followed Dawson, hoping she knew where Shay was! I followed her into the locker room and sat down on the floor while she changed uniform.

"What's wrong girl? Hasn't Mouch fed you yet?" Dawson cooed at me, as she closed her locker and bent down to pat me as I licked her face in response.

"Come on then," She said, and I followed her out of the locker room and towards the common room.

She stopped at a wall as she was tucking her shirt in and looked at one picture in particular. She did it every morning, and I wanted to know why. I looked up at her and whined as I turned my head sideways.

"I know girl, I miss her too." Dawson said, before walking into the common room to get me some breakfast.

'Missed who, Shay?' I thought to myself as I followed her and laid down on my bed and watched them all walk around to get ready for their shift.

I always thought Shay was coming back, did she transfer? And where is Lieutenant Severide? I thought again as I rolled onto my back and looked at them upside down. They looked funny. Like they were walking on the roof.

"What are you doin' Pouch?" Herrmann said, kneeling down next to me and rubbing my belly. I licked his hand and he continued to rub my belly. He looked tired. And sad. I whined at him as I rolled back over and looked at him. "I know girl, I miss her too. Hey Dawson, where's the pooches breakfast?"

"It's coming!" She called back as she walked up and sat next to my bed with my bowl. "Are you hungry Pouch?"

Well duh, yeah! I thought as she hand fed me like she always did in the morning as Chief walked through the door. "Dawson, Shay's parents are here to see you."

"Uh thanks Chief. I'll be right back girl." She said, before putting my bowl next to my bed and walking off in the direction of the bunk rooms. I nudged my bowl, looked up and then back at my bowl before trudging after her.

**Bunk Rooms**

As I walked into the bunk room, I heard sniffling. It sounded like someone was crying. I walked further into the bunk rooms and saw her sitting on the edge of Shay's bed. I walked up to her and sat at her feet. Looking up at her. Something wasn't right. I whined to get her attention.

"Oh Pouch, I know you can tell something isn't right with the firehouse. Like someone is missing. And it's true. Shay deserves to be here. She deserves to be on this Earth. She deserves to be alive!" She cried into my fur as she sat down next to me with tears streaming down her face. I licked her face, I licked at her tears. "It should of been me Pouch! We traded places! It should of been me!"

I whined, trying to tell her that it shouldn't of been either of them, I wish I could talk but all I could do was lick her face and whine. I was crying in my own way. One of my favorite owners was gone!

What are we going to do without her?

It was meant to be always!

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Pouch is feeling, in her puppy ways. Let me know who's POV you want**** in the next chapter! **


	9. Chief Boden's POV

********Dedicated to Guest********

****Warning: This is chapter is rated M just in case. ****  
><strong>**

**Chief Boden's POV**

I walked into my office and closed the door behind me before letting out a long sigh. Kelly hadn't returned to the firehouse after we lost Shay six weeks ago. Both Gabriela and Kelly hadn't been dealing very well since the loss of their best friend. Hell, the whole firehouse wasn't dealing. It was just built up tension, they tried to cover it up though with jokes and stories.

I walk back out to the common room to find Herrmann and Mouch on the couch with Pouch watching the recorded game from last night that first watch had recorded for them. I look over at the long table and find Casey sitting at the head of the table reading a magazine, Otis and Cruz fighting over about anything in particular, probably Molly's 2, I look further down the table and see Capp and Dawson working on a crossword together, like always. I look over into the kitchen as I walked further into the common room and took at seat at the other end of the table and see Mills cooking lunch for us all. Casey looked up surprised and gave me a nod. I nodded back as I looked around, knowing that the rest of squad and truck 51 would be outside cleaning or playing poker.

"Has anyone heard from Kelly?" I asked gruffly, looking around at my teams every shook their heads no in response except for Matt who spoke up.

"I went and saw him at the cabin he is staying out near Gray's Lake. Took out the book you write in after every call, gave him a speech as well. I am hoping to see him again after shift." He said, looking up at me from his newspaper.

"Speech?" I asked, leaning back in my chair to listen to him.

"Yeah, I told him that you still write down all the calls we go on by hand. Just like they used to before computers. The date, the call itself and what we did. I told him that you write all the lives we've saved in the far left column. The victims who have made it out alive. Those who we rescued." Matt started and everyone stopped what they were doing and listened in. "The badges on the wall at the academy, Andy's...Shay's, they don't represent death guys. They represent the lives we've saved." He finished as everyone nodded and clapped with tears in their eyes at his speech.

"That's exactly right. Don't think that just because we couldn't save Andy or Shay, that we haven't saved over 1,000 other people's lives. Because we have. And that is what we are here to do. I'll be in my office." I said, before quickly leaving the room, leaving them all stunned. I couldn't let my team see me upset.

**Office**

"Chief, Donna is line 1." Connie said, poking her head through my office door before going back to her desk.

I picked up the phone and pressed the button next to line 1. "Hey hon, how are doing?"

"Hey sweetie, I'm good. Just relaxing, just remember we are having dinner with Mouch and Trudy tonight." She said over the line from our house.

"I don't think-" I started before she cut me off.

"No buts babe, we are going. I will see you in an hour." She said, as the line clicked off. I sighed and hung up the phone just as Mouch knocked on the door.

"Come in," I said, leaning back in my chair and taking my glasses off.

"You still coming to dinner tonight?" Mouch asked, standing in front of my desk, I tilted my head and looked back at him.

"Yes, Donna and I are still coming to dinner. We will see you at seven. I am pretty sure Lieutenant Casey is out on the floor running some drills." I said, dismissing him and he turned back around and left me alone my office to ponder.

Ever since Shay had passed, I didn't want to go out and have fun. Like it was against the law to have fun without her. But I knew life had to go on, with or without Shay. That is what she would want from Firehouse 51.

She was meant to be here for a long time. She had her whole life and career ahead of her and it was snatched away within seconds. She had everything to look forward to in her future.

It was meant to be always.

What were we going to do without here? Was life meant to go on like normal?

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Pouch is feeling, in her puppy ways. Let me know who's POV you want**** in the next chapter! **


	10. Clarice's POV

**Dedicated to: Joy**

**Clarice's POV**

I was in New York with my son and ex-husband when the news of Leslie Shay's death finally reached me.

I was just looking in my letter box for mail when I noticed a rather formal looking letter. I picked it up along with my bills and went inside to relieve the babysitter. I kept thinking back to the time I just upped and left Shay again, for the second time. I knew she was hearbroken but I had to do it for my son.

I placed the mail on the bench before picking up my son and giving him kisses, then out of the corner of my eye I saw that it was from Firehouse 51. Chief Wallace Boden, to be exact. I knew it would have to be bad if the Chief was writing to me. I decided to make dinner for us both before even thinking of opening. I had to prolong it. I knew whatever was in that envelope had to be bad.

I put him to bed before going and having a shower myself. I stood in the shower and let the water cascade down while I thought of the 2-3 years I had spent with Shay in that little dingy apartment we rented. Where everything was peeling and leaking. I remember the night I left, I just packed my stuff without telling her, and when she got home she caught me with my suitcase half packed. She knew I was leaving, I knew I had broken her heart. Then appearing out of nowhere, married and pregnant sent her off guard. I was still in love with her. I knew Gabby didn't appreciate having me back in Shay's life. Then as we were about to buy a house together, I upped and left again after my husband served me with custody papers. I knew I had to move to New York just to keep my son.

I got out of the shower and dried off before changing into my pajamas and padding out to kitchen to grab myself a glass of wine. I knew I would need one. Or five, if I was going to get through this letter.

I opened it and this is what I found inside.

_Dear Ms Carthradge,_

_I am sorry to inform you that, Ms Leslie Elizabeth Shay was killed in the Line of Duty of May 14th, 2014. She was on a call when the building they were in where the roof collapsed in and she received a severe blow to the head with a beam. Paramedic, Gabriela Dawson did all she could while they were in the building but she had already succumbed to her injuries. The funeral was held on 21st of May, 2014. _

_With the bottom of my heart, I pray to God that her soul now rests in peace. _

_Yours truly,_

_Chief Wallace Boden_

_Chicago Fire Department_

My heart just sunk to the bottom of my stomach. I dropped the glass of wine that I had in my hand and just collapsed in a fit of tears as I held the letter close to my chest. My heart was broken and I knew there would be a huge piece missing. The girl I was still in love with was gone. There was nothing I could do. I thought of Kelly and how he was coping and I knew he wouldn't be. I knew I had to make a trip to Chicago to see them all.

It was meant to be always Leslie! How can life go on without you?

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Clarice is feeling and the emotions she would have, Let me know who's POV you want**** in the next chapter! **


	11. Herrmann's POV

**Dedicated to: Joy**

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV's. Please PM or Tweet or even instagram if you have it what you would like to see. My usernames are in my profile! Once again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful!**

**Herrmann's POV**

It started out as a great day. I woke up to my beautiful wife and children...Before they started screaming. Today the Chief was getting married. It was going to be a normal day. At least that's what I thought.

The day progressed as it usually would, the Chief had a beautiful ceremony at Firehouse 51...I couldn't get him a church...He seemed pretty upset when I told him until we parked out the front of 51. The girls had done a wonderful job on decorations.

It wasn't until we got that call, that all hell broke loose. We were called to an abandoned building, where two people were trapped and needed our assistance.

We arrived on scene, and Casey threw us his orders. We were to go in and do a primary survey. To find those who need our help. Squad 3 followed and we went up together. We found a casualty on the third floor. It looked like he had fallen off the stairs from quite a height. Our radios were cutting in and out, must be because the building was old. Casey told some of us to go ahead and he would follow after informing the two paramedics.

We continued up the stairs, Casey soon joined us. We were about to go to the next floor to join Squad when...BOOM! Everything went black...

It was less than five minutes later, when I woke up to multiple PASS alarms going off. Casey and Severide were yelling at each other to find Dawson and Shay. I started to help my fellow firefighters with getting debris off each other and helping each other stand up. Everybody seemed okay, multiple cuts and bruises on their faces and bodies, Mills had a broken leg but he was going to be okay. The men of 81 and 3 were all standing and leaving, helping each other to get out of the building in case of a secondary collapse. Casey gestured for me to follow him. I obeyed, I followed him down the stairs. We were looking for Dawson and Shay!

We found them on the floor below us. Their patient was gone. But what startled me the most was that Shay wasn't up and joking with everyone. I looked to find Dawson and Severide doing CPR on her. Our one and only Leslie Shay. This could not be happening. Of all days. There was too much blood loss and she was without oxygen for too long. I knew that, Dawson knew that. But she continued her rescue breaths anyway while Severide did chest compressions. We went over and picked up her motionless body and pulled her away from the prying hands of Kelly and Gabriela. I continued chest compressions anyway, to see if it would make a difference. When we were outside, we loaded her onto a gurney and into an awaiting ambulance. They sped off and we were left standing there with silent tears running down our cheeks. Before we turned and headed back in. Despite other companies arriving on scene. We had a job to finish and people to find.

We arrived at the hospital an hour later to find Gabby crying hysterically and Severide no where in sight. And then I knew. Our Shay wasn't coming back. She had skirted around death one too many times. This was it. She was gone from this world. But she would never be gone from 51 or our hearts.

I walked out of Lakeshore in a daze and went home to see my wife and children. Even though my children would be at school, except for Kenny. The moment I walked through the door, Cindy knew something had happened. She knew something wasn't right about the call.

"Shays gone Cind! She's gone and there was nothing I could do! What are we going to do without her? Kenny is going to grow up, never knowing his godmother!" I sobbed as I hugged her tightly.

Was the world meant to go on without Leslie Shay? Was everything meant to go back to normal?

It was meant to be Always!

**Please read and review :)**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Herrman is feeling and the emotions he would have felt during this episode. Mill's POV is up next!**


	12. Mills's POV

**Dedicated to: Joy**

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV's. Please PM or Tweet or even instagram if you have it what you would like to see. My usernames are in my profile! Once again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful!**

**Mill's POV- Seven weeks earlier**

It was just another day at the Firehouse. Cruz and Otis fighting, Herrmann and Mouch on the couch watching whatever the hell was on TV. Matt and Gabby making googly eyes at each other, Shay and Severide bickering as always. And me, well I was cooking the house dinner tonight.

"Chows up!" I called from the kitchen as all the men and the women came and grabbed a plate and some food.

"Oh Peter Mills, you've outdone yourself again. Now tell me, why don't you cook like this all the time? Is it because you're on Squad." Shay teased, as she squeezed my shoulder before sitting down next to Dawson who simply just smirked from her seat.

"You know I would be your full time cook if I could Shay," I teased back, laughing with the rest of the team as we all sat down to eat.

Little did we all know, we would be losing our ray of sunshine in under six weeks.

**Six weeks later**

It was Boden's wedding day and I had just pronounced them husband and wife. The ceremony was beautiful and so was the reception. Everyone was standing around, mingling. Getting to know each other. Especially Trudy Platt, the desk sergeant from the 21st District and Mouch.

We got a call to an abandoned warehouse, it sounded like one of our usual calls except that it came at the wrong time. So since we were all on duty except for Boden who came anyway, we all took off towards our rigs and pulled the decorations off before jumping in and speeding off towards our call.

When we got on scene Severide and Casey started throwing around their orders. 81 went in first and then we followed.

We went up the stairs together, each doing our primary surveys of each floor. It wasn't until the third floor we found a victim, he had fallen and it looked like a broken neck. Severide and the rest of Squad kept going while Casey brough Shay and Dawson up.

We went up the fifth floor and thats when everything went south. There was a sudden explosion from the floor above us and everything went dark.

**Five minutes later**

"Mills! Can you hear me?" I heard someone calling my name, it sounded so distant. And my leg was throbbing with so much pain. I groaned and called out to the best of my ability.

"Found him! Are you okay?" I heard another voice say above me, they sat me up and I yelled out in pain. My leg was broken. They started to splint the leg and they helped me stand up while they went to look for Dawson and Shay on the third floor. They had to be okay, I didn't get to see them as they rushed me straight to hospital to get x-rays and casts.

**Lakeshore-2 hours later**

The doctors decided to keep me in over night for observations, no one had come to update me on Shay and Dawson's condition, I was just about to call for a nurse to discharge myself when Chief Boden walked into my room...He had this grim expression on his face...One I've only seen a few times before. When we've lost patients.

"Who?" I asked, trying to conceal the sobs that wanted to erupt from my throat.

"Shay, fatal blow to the head from a beam falling in the explosion." He said, looking down at the ground as I processed the information that he told me.

"How is Severide?" I croaked out after what seemed like hours of silence but it was just mere minutes.

"Left with Casey, Dawson and Antonio, whether he stays with them is a whole other story. I will let you get some rest." Boden said, before taking his leave and leaving me to my thoughts and memories that I have of Shay over the last 2-3 years.

**Next Day**

I was pulled out of my thoughts by my doctor walking in with the discharge papers I needed to sign before I could leave, my mom and sister were here to pick me up.

I signed them in a haze and grabbed my crutches before hobbling out to meet them at the elevators after getting dressed. It was kind of hard with a broken leg. They both said something and hugged me, but I didn't realize. I was still lost in my own thoughts.

I wanted to know when Shay's funeral was. I needed to be there.

"Can we stop over at 51? I need to speak to Boden." I said, as I got into the front of the car.

"Sure sweetie, is everything okay?" Mom asked, as she pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards 51.

"No Mom, everything is not okay. We lost one of our own." I simply stated before looking out the window so she didn't see the tears streaming down my face.

**51**

"Mills, I told you not to come back until the doctor cleared you." I heard Chief say as I hobbled into the garage and onto the Apparatus Floor.

"When's her funeral?" I asked straight out as more tears glistened in my eyes as I looked over at Ambulance 61 and my first memory of Shay came back to me.

"Thursday, you don't have to be there." He said, following my gaze and sighing lightly before looking back at me.

"I do Chief, I have to." I said before turning on my crutches and hobbling back out to the car and getting in with help of my little sister, Elise.

**Thursday**

I stood there on my crutches as best I could next to Lieutenant Severide, at attention. As we listened to the priest say prayers and listen to family members share their memories of our fallen friend, our sister. I was called up to recall my memory with Shay. I had the perfect one in mind.

_Flashback_

**_We were rolling up the hoses to put back on the truck, it was my second shift of being a candidate at Firehouse 51 on Truck 81._**

**_"Yo Peter Mills, my partner Shay. She's been asking about you. Been talking about you all morning." Gabriela Dawson, PIC of Ambulance 61 said coming up to me. _**

**_"Heard she is a monster, dude I know walked with a hitch for a week." Otis said, putting his two cents worth in. He was the candidate before I came along._**

**_"You guys are busting my balls,"I said, picking up the hose and Christopher Herrmann walked over and started talking._**

**_"Listen to me kid, I just lost my house to foreclosure because I took a bath in the market. We're now livin with ma in-laws which is two bedrooms shy of unpleasant. My wife won't take her birth control pills, because the Pope said she did God will crack. So I'm not gettin any. If there's any chance I could live vicariously through you, its literally all I got." He said, while they all kept neutral expressions._**

**_I smiled before saying alright and started to walk over towards the back of Ambulance 61 , where she was sitting doing inventory. _**

**_"Hey," I started as she looked up._**

**_"Hey,"she replied, smiling before looking back down at the clipboard in her hands._**

**_"Peter Mills, uh Pete." I laughed nervously as she looked behind me before looking back at me and saying._**

**_"Uh huh, Peter Mills, can you hand me that box right there." She said, pointing to the one sitting in front of me._**

**_"Uh yeah," I said before walking forward and picking it up before handing it to her._**

**_"Thanks," She said, taking it from my hands and looking back at her clipboard._**

**_"So, the little girl from the bridge accident. She okay?"I asked, trying to start conversation between us._**

**_"Wow, you really are new aren't ya? Listen, we get them to the doctor best we can and then we move on. Its the only way to make it around here."She said, passing on some advise to me._**

**_"Uh...yeah..yeah. So, um...I was thinking...I mean...I was wondering, if you wanna hook up for a beer or a dinner or something." I stuttered, resting my hands on my hips._**

**_"Peter Mills, are you gay?" She asked, suddenly after thinking for a second._**

**_"Me no." I said, taken aback by what she had said._**

**_"Because I am." She said, as I heard laughter from behind me._**

_End of Flashback_

"And that is how I got rejected by her. Thanks for the prank guys. I'm going to miss you so much Shay." I said, as everyone let out a sad laugh as tears streamed down my face.

I'm going to miss you so much Leslie Shay, what are we going to do without you?

**Please read and review :)**

**Writing Mill's POV was so hard! **

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, we've had severe storms, i've been sick...-_- So please bare with me :) **

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Mills is feeling and the emotions he would have felt during this episode. Devon's POV is up next!**


	13. Devon's POV

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV's. Please PM or Tweet or even instagram if you have it what you would like to see. My usernames are in my profile! Once again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful!**

**Devon's POV**

It was another normal night for me, I was bar hopping with some friends as I always do. The next bar we stopped at happened to be Molly's.

We walked in and I saw the usual crew, we didn't get along after I had broken my ex girlfriends heart, Leslie Shay. And stole from her and her flatmates.

"What are you doing here?" Was the first words out of a very drunk Kelly Severide as I sat at the bar on the next available stool, which happened to be next to him.

"Having a drink, where's Shay? I wanted to talk to her." I say, as Herrmann put a beer in front of me before turning to the next customer and filling their order.

"What your doing. She isn't here. She hasn't been here for 7 weeks." He slurred, as Herrmann took his car keys away from him.

"I'm about to cut you off Severide, sorry man." He said, before turning and cleaning the bar that was already cleaned.

"Ugh, fine." He mumbled, stumbling to get up from his stool.

"Why hasn't she been here for 7 weeks, did she give up her silent partnership?" I asked, prodding for more information from him as I took a sip of my beer in front of me.

"Nope, I have to go. If you want information, ask the others." He slurred, before stumbling his way to the door and out. Looking for yet another bar that won't cut him off until he is at least passed out.

"Herrmann, where's Shay?" I called, as I motioned for him to come over.

"Why? You want to go breaking her heart again? Because I can tell you now, that ain't going to happen." Herrmann grumbled, as tears came to his eyes.

"I just want to talk to her," I replied, as I ordered another beer as Gabriela Dawson came behind the bar and over to Herrmann.

"You can go home Christopher, I can do closing shift." She said, sending me a look before looking back at her co-worker.

"Thanks Dawson, stay out of trouble." he said, before going out the back to grab his stuff and leave.

"What do you want?" She asked, filling my beer cup again as I sat there.

"I wanted to talk to Leslie, but sounds like she hasn't been here for 7-8 weeks. And that's from Severide," I snapped, taking a long drink from my cup before setting it back on the bar.

"I thought you would of heard by now," She said quietly, cleaning the bar bench again.

"Heard what?" I snapped again, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Shay was in a work accident 7 weeks again, she was killed in the line of duty." Gabby choked out, as I sat there in pure shock.

The girl I loved, then broke her heart was gone.

I quickly stood up and slapped some bills on the bar before rushing out the door and towards my loft apartment.

**Loft Apartment**

I quickly opened my door and walked in and slammed the door behind me. I quickly walked over to my camera that was sitting on the kitchen bench and grabbed it.

I looked through all the photos we had taken together, and before I knew it, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

Why hadn't anyone told me? Why did it have to be her?

Wasn't it meant to be _Always_?

**Please read and review :)**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, we've had severe storms once again we are getting a battering.**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Devon is feeling and the emotions she would have felt during this episode. Let me know which POV you would like to see next!**


	14. Otis's POV

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV's. Please PM or Tweet or even instagram if you have it what you would like to see. My usernames are in my profile! Once again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful! This chapter is slightly AU but still follows slightly on 3x01**

**Otis's POV**

Sure, we had been roomies for a short amount of time but co-workers for longer, we were apart of each other. We were all family. It isn't fair that she had to be tragically killed. I don't know what we are going to do without her.

**6 weeks earlier**

"So Shay, who was the girl you brought last night?" I asked, turning to look at the paramedic who stopped eating and looked over at me.

"Why you want her number?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at me and turning back to her breakfast.

"If she has any straight friends, yeah." I said, leaning back in my chair as Cruz slapped the back of my head as he passed towards the kitchen.

"You wish," She retorted before Ambulance 61 was called away to man in distress.

She was the one who kept us all on our toes, she liked to joke and pull pranks. And she could drink us all under the table. We loved her though.

**6 weeks later**

It was the Chief's wedding day and since Herrmann couldn't "find" a church, as he claims. Though we did find a better venue...Firehouse 51. I mean everyone came it was great! Chief was surprised, the girls had done a great job with the decorations and the food.

Mills certified online to perform the ceremony so they didn't have to hire a pastor.

Everything was going great and then we received a call.

Abandone warehouse. 2 people inside. We quickly rushed off and grabbed our turnout gear before rushing towards the trucks and pulling down the decorations and jumping in before we all sped off towards our call.

**On scene**

"Truck 81, we're going in and completing a primary survery. Stay close." Casey called out his orders and we grabbed our oxygen tanks and followed him into the building with Squad 3 close behind.

We were heading towards the stairs to go up to the third floor where we found a man. So of course, we called in the girls. We waited with the patient until the girls got there when Casey filled them in before we headed up to the third floor while Squad 3 was already headed up to four.

**Third floor**

We were looking and heading further into the building and were on the stairs when BOOM!

Then there was darkness and silence.

**1 minute later**

I slowly opened my eyes and sat up groaning, as I heard the other men groaning to get up.

"Truck 81!" Casey yelled, as we all called back that we were fine and we started helping each other to get up, when we realize Mill's wasn't standing with us.

We all started searching and we found him. He had been knocked unconcious and he was slowly coming to but he yelled out in pain as we moved him, it was his leg. He had a fracture.

The call came through from Boden, "Has anyone heard from Dawson or Shay?"

We all looked at each other before Casey and Severide started yelling for them and back tracked to where they were last seen.

Herrmann, Mouch and I followed, just in case.

We found them right where we left them, the patient was gone but what startled us the most was Dawson doing compressions on Shay's lifeless body.

Severide ran over and they traded, Severide on compressions and Dawson on rescue breaths.

Casey looked at us and we knew it was over, so we walked over and much to their protests, we managed to pick Shay up and go outside to waiting ambulances.

Chief looked over at us and bowed his head, we had lost another one.

**Lakeshore**

We were all in the waiting room of Lakeshore, waiting to hear news in Mills when Chief walked in with what we knew was Shay's photo. For the formal identification until her parents could get here.

Severide was down the hall with Detective Erin Lindsay. Waiting for Boden.

Gabby looked up from where she was crying on Casey's shoulder and said, "I want to go with you."

Chief nodded and they made their way down the hall.

It wasn't till much later that they came back, both crying on each. Antonio and Matt grabbed them both and walked out, not wanting them to be here much longer.

**My Apartment**

I looked around at all the pictures from the picnics, the firehouse and Molly's.

I sat back on my lounge with my beer and I thought,

Why did it have to be you Shay?

Wasn't it supposed to be _Always_? Like you said.

**Please read and review :)**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, we've had severe storms once again we are getting a battering.**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Otis is feeling and the emotions he would have felt during this episode. Let me know which POV you would like to see next!**


	15. Lindsay's POV

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV's. Please PM or Tweet or even instagram if you have it what you would like to see. My usernames are in my profile! Once again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful! This chapter is AU! This chapter is in conjunction with Chapter 5-Antonio's POV**

**Lindsay's POV**

"Seriously Ruzek, I am going to kick your ass in five seconds," I said, trying to get my grenade back as Jay sat there laughing while Olinsky looked on.

Suddenly we heard the may day call from Chief Boden over at Firehouse 51 from the police scanner sitting on Antonio's desk.

We all stopped and turned to look at him. He was frozen in his seat and pale.

_"Anyone from Firehouse 51 report! Casey report, Severide report. Dawson report!" Boden yelled, _as the whole of Intelligence just stopped and waited with bated breaths.

_"Yeah Chief, Casey and I are okay. Roof collapse." Severide reported through his portable radio._

_"Have you heard from Dawson or Shay?" He finally asked, breaking the silence from the other companies._

Antonio quickly shot out of his chair and grabbed his jacket before rushing to Voight's office. Halstead and I followed closely behind to hear the end of the one sided conversation before Antonio rushed back out and towards the stairs.

"Get down where Dawson?" Voight yelled before he turned to us and said, "Halstead, Lindsay. Follow him."

**On Scene**

"Chief!" Antonio yelled, running up to him with both Halstead and I close on his heels.

"Detectives, Gabby and Severide are still inside," Boden informed us with a grim expression on his face.

"Is she okay? Is Gabby and Shay okay?" He asked frantically as we looked up at the half exploded building.

"Is Severide okay?" I asked, not missing the slight look of disappointment on Halstead's face when I asked.

"I don't know," He replied as Cruz, Mouch, Herrmann and Casey came running out with Shay in between them and Herrmann doing compressions as they loaded her into a waiting ambulance and they were off.

Halstead and I watched until our attention was pulled towards Antonio yelling, "Gabby!"

I saw Severide and Gabby limping out of the building holding onto each other. We both ran to them, Antonio wrapped Gabby in a tight hug and I helped Severide stand up.

"Shay's going to be okay," We whispered to them as we led them towards our cars.

"What if she isnt?" He asked, sobbing as he looked at me and held on.

"She has to be," I said, before we heard doors opening and we looked over where Gabby was getting into Ambulance 61 against her brother's wishes. Severide quickly took off and got into the passenger side. I ran up to them but it was too late they had followed off behind Ambulance 72.

"Where are they taking her?" Antonio asked as we walked back to Chief Boden.

"Lakeshore, listen Antonio, Erin. Be there for them, it isn't looking good for Shay." He said grimly before I threw Halstead our squad keys and got into Antonio's car and we were off.

**Lakeshore**

"What's happening?" We both asked at the same time as we spotted 51 in a waiting room, waiting impatiently of course.

"We don't know," Severide said, hanging his head in his hands as he leaned up against the wall. My phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out. It was Voight.

"What's up?" I asked, picking up the phone and placing it to my ear.

"What the hell is going on?" He boomed through the phone and I could hear Alvin in the background.

"Explosion. Firehouse 51, one's life is hanging in the balance," I said, causing Severide to sob more into my shoulder.

"Send Dawson back. Now!" He yelled, before hanging up on me.

"Antonio, Voight wants you back at the District." I said, turning to face him.

"Thanks, I will see you later. Call me," He said to Gabby before patting my shoulder and Severide's before leaving.

**2 hours later**

"Family of Leslie Shay?" A doctor asked, walking into the waiting room we were in.

"Thats us," I said, as everyone was waiting with bated breaths about their friend.

"Only immediate family," He said, turning to face me.

"We are her immediate family dammit," Severide yelled from the side, clenching his fists together.

"Listen to me, you tell them now what is happening with her and I won't take away your rights to work in this hospital. Or I can bring down my friends," I said, pulling my badge out and flashing it to him.

He nodded before turning back to everyone at Firehouse51. "I'm sorry."

Everyone knew what that meant and they all collapsed into chairs and started sobbing. Kelly was in denial, he raced down the hallway and stopped outside the room they were working on her in. He collapsed to the floor and was crying. I was hearbroken, I couldn't bear to see him like this.

"I can't do this." he said after a while before standing up and running towards the entrance door anyway I called he wouldn't turn around.

I slowly walked back and noticed that everyone had gone home to their loved ones.

I slowly walked out and decided I needed to go see Hank.

**Voight's House**

"Hey kid, what's wrong?" He asked, as I walked into his sitting room where he was sitting with Alvin.

"She didn't make it," I said, finally letting my emotions get the better of me and I collapsed into his arms crying.

_Why did it have you be you Shay?_

_Wasn't it meant to be Always?_

**Please read and review :)**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, since it is nearly Christmas I am trying to update everything, this is my Christmas present to my readers!**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. I know what its like to lose your best friend/sister, as I'm sure all my readers do.**

**Thankyou all so much for the reviews. It means a lot.**

**This is my take on how**** Erin is feeling and the emotions she would have felt during this episode. Let me know which POV you would like to see next!**


	16. Hank's POV

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews! I am glad you are still enjoying these POV' again thankyou to my Fanfiction friends and my Twitter friends. Please go check out Milady29's stories, they are wonderful as always. And please also go check out Justicerocks, her's are also equally wonderful! This chapter is AU! This chapter is in conjunction with Chapter 5-Antonio's POV and Chapter 15-Lindsay's POV**

**Voight's POV**

I was sitting in my office doing the normal paperwork, today had been a slow day so I set the team to finish their paperwork from our latest case. They had no complaints, it looked like they had finished their paperwork except for O and Antonio.

They had pulled out the police scanner and were listening to it quietly while Ruzek, Lindsay and Halstead joked around. Ruzek had taken Erin's grenade and won't give it back, typical. And Halstead...well I've told him that Erin was off limits and to keep it in his pants. Whether he listens or not is another story.

All was quiet for 5 minutes until Dawson burst into my office,

"Voight, I need to get down there," he said, quickly shrugging on his jacket and pulling his car keys out of his pocket.

"Get down where Dawson?" I yelled at him as I stood up and he quickly made a run for the stairs to the lower floor of the 21st District. "Halstead, Lindsay. Follow him and keep my updated."

"Got it," they said before they quickly followed and soon were out of the Intelligence Unit bullpen.

I walked out of my office and over to Alvin who had grabbed the police scanner and was listening intently. "What's happened for him to react like that?"

"Firehouse 51. Warehouse explosion, whole house was inside." Olinksy replied, looking up at me with a grim expression. "They haven't heard from Gabriela or Leslie."

"Listen in and keep me update," I said, walking back into my office and slamming closed the door. I wasn't a very religious man but I prayed both girls got out alive. I mean, Gabriela came to me when her brother was shot and asked for my help and couple weeks later I was out of prison.

I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes, then Alvin walked through the door. I looked at him with a hopeful look.

"Gabriela is fine, minor cuts and bruises by the sounds of things," he started, I knew there was more. So I nodded for him to continue. "But Leslie was hit the hardest, they are very optimistic on whether or not she will make it."

"They headed to Lakeshore?" I asked, looking down before looking back up at him.

He simply nodded. I turned my chair away to face the window behind me.

**1 hour later**

_"Hey Hank, we're still at Lakeshore. She didn't make it," Erin said through the phone from where she was standing comforting Kelly._

"Send Dawson back, we need to talk." I simply said before hanging up and leaning back in my chair to wait for Antonio.

**20 minutes later**

"What the hell was that about? You are meant to be here! Doing your damned job!" I yelled as he walked into the Intelligence Unit office and stood next to Nadia's desk.

"So you don't expect me to sit here and listen to Chief Boden yell mayday? That's my sister Voight! My family!" Antonio yelled back as Nadia, Atwater, and Ruzek sat there and watched the fight unfold. Alvin slowly got out of his chair and walked towards us.

"Doesn't mean you come yelling into MY office and then leave without telling me what the hell you are doing or for that matter where the hell you are going! Are we clear?" I yelled back as Alvin stood between us to stop us getting any closer to each other. "I said are we clear?"

"Crystal," he replied shortly as he walked around me and towards his desk.

"You can go home Dawson, if your mind isn't in the case, just go home." I said, walking back towards my office and turning around to look at him.

"Fine," He replied, gathering his stuff and leaving the building.

I sighed, looked around and the team and walked back into the office and slammed the door shut and closed the blinds.

**That night-Voight's House**

I was sitting on my couch watching the Blackhawks game with a beer in hand and Alvin when there was a knock on my front door. I stood up, put my beer down and walked to the front room. I cautiously looked out the window and saw a disheveled looking Erin. I open the door and took a good look at her.

"Hey kids, what's wrong?" I asked, looking at her as I led her into the sitting room where Al sat.

"She didn't make it," She sobbed before collapsing into my arms crying.

I quietly soothed her not knowing what to think.

This great city has lost one of their own. She helped us make this city a better place and we lost one of the most greatest paramedics.

_Wasn't it meant to be Always?_

**Please read and review :)**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated,writer's block.**

**With writing these chapters and POV's, I have cried with writing each chapter. **

**This is my take on how**** Hank is feeling and the emotions he would have felt during this episode. Let me know which POV you would like to see next! Connie's is next!**


End file.
